Mumps Happened.

Deadlines. My last post was all about them: me tearing my hair out, eating 24-7, consumed with nerves.. yeah I think you all probably got the picture or at least could relate to the horrible image anyway. So, I cam home over a week ago, did my day of shopping, went for a great night out and had my mong sesh with the friends, I was all ready to settle down, crack my knuckles and write something revolutionary. That was the plan (it was, by the way, a stonking plan).

MUMPS HAPPENED.

Mumps? Who the hell gets mumps, toddlers, babies, chubby children who just look in someway a bit cuter with another layer of fat around their face. Not 22 year old's. Not people who have more things to do. And certainly not people who love their food, it just isn't fair!

I do not look as cute as her. 

This past week I have not once looked adorable, or a little bit weak or slightly distressed. I look like a constant fat booth victim, plodding around weighted by my giant face. I am not even wasting the make-up on it to try and look even a little bit better: it'll take to long and use up way to much make up. Chewing has been out of the question, I wailed after I bravely attempted a Pringle, it wasn't a wise move. Also, my Easter Eggs. They are sitting prettily on my windowsill just looking at me, taunting me with there layers of white and milk chocolate and sprinkles (M&S if you were curious).

But, I do now know that I never want to be unemployed: what do people do?! On Jeremy Kyle they seem fine and content with daytime TV..HOW?! What the hell do you all watch?! I can't find anything, I have been scouring Sky Anytime for the past 4 days and apart from Tangled (which is amazing), there is nout.

No. 

Yes, Yes, Yes!

Can't moan too much I guess, I have been spoiled with some beautiful cashmere from Edinburgh, it's a large scarf  by the way, to hide my new cheeks, and my new chin, and even my new swollen ears. Sexy.

Wish me luck getting well, more importantly wish me luck with the packet of Maltesers  I am spying. (Food again, thought I'd stick with tradition).

Sandra Dee. "Please Don't Come Too Close - I've Got The Mumps"
http://www.bobbydarin.com/mumps.html - This by the way, is a play for two people about a girlfriend, boyfriend and mumps. Touching. Really touching...

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