This is getting ruddy difficult.

This egg timer represents, in a hopefully light hearted way, how terrified  I am. 

"How many jobs have you applied for now Alice?"

"Do you think that's the right path Alice?"

"Have you thought about this Alice?"

"Alice, we don't want to put pressure on you but.."

Don't worry this isn't an angsty attack on my parents.

Time feels like it's flying by very quickly. Too quickly.. Not suspiciously quickly but just a little too fast. Higher education is nearly over, the 'grown-up' -I hate that term, I've been the mental age of 40 since I was 14- phase of my life is about to properly begin. As you know I do drama, the most stressful degree out there, so I'll be pulling out those grey hairs just in time for Graduation. And what is it all for? 

It's not for a stable job that's for sure, I am terrified of being that graduate who tells everyone she's a waitress but then having to explain over and over and a little too frantically that she's not just a waitress. There is no shame in being one of course, I sell sausage rolls for my living so that's not the issue, the issue is the pressure. The pressure to get it right straight away. The expectancy from old classmates, current classmates, from distant relatives and from your loving family.

                                        Apparently she's stressed too. Doubtful. 

That pressure is the hardest one, the one that hits you the hardest. You don't want to let anyone down least of all the people who support you the most. Also they're the ones buying the graduation dress and without the shiny future I might end up with a salmon colour frock. That really would be the biggest tragedy. 

I hope this post isn't gloomy rather I'd hope that people are able to relate to it. The next few months for those still in education be it GCSE's coming up, A Levels looming or an MDrama to do well in (please god), I wish you all well. 

Buckle up everyone, it's going to be hard but it is 100% going to be worth it. 

A

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STEADY ON

WOAHHHHHHHHHHHH THERE!

Hi again the few blog readers I have and adore (sucking up to your virtual faces can only help) as you will have noticed I have taken a leave of absence over the summer break, I just needed some space....well in truth I couldn’t really be bothered after working, all day, every day, every hour. Not bitter. And for what? Not frivolous spending that is for sure, my charming landlord has made darn sure of that. That however is beside the point, I don't need my finances to calm down, I don't need my social life to calm down either (not that it's ever that 'crazy').

No, I need university to slow the hell down. Now. Please just stop moving.

I am now in my fourth year, my ‘Masters’ year as I love telling people, officially it's not a proper Master's (10% SHORT OF IT, THAT’S ALL) but what the hell it's still a 'M' on my graduation certificate. I have had now 3 lessons so far and my head is ready to explode. No amount of tea guzzling or biscuit scoffing can save me. I am officially, definitely, one hundred percent crapping my pants.

When the hell did all this work decide to creep up on me and why did it choose to do that so quickly! I haven’t had time to watch all the episodes I’ve missed of ‘The Great British Bake Off’, I haven’t flirted with nearly enough fresher’s: “22 isn’t that much older than you, I promise”. And I haven’t been able to get cracking on my ‘Pasta 2 Go’ bags, which surely imply I’m well into student living which normally happens around week 5. *sigh*.

No. Lesson 4, here we go and hold onto your hats.

Hope everyone else is grasping on a little better than I am, if not I’m on the third floor of the library, weeping, come find me and we'll grieve together.  

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"Hi real world"

My university notoriously goes back late so we start again this Monday coming and I am in the gorgeous position of not revising, not guessing what grades I'm going to get, not waiting on a sealed envelope with my future in it because I do drama. Us kids, we're judged on performances, essays and creativity, the rest of you are idiots. Because you have exams. Now I am aware that a lot of people excel in exams and bash out some brilliant stuff, I also know people who cry, take in good luck teddies and end up burning them.  I myself went through this, GCSE's and A-Level's, tough years, so I have done my fair share of sweating and breaking pens in gym halls thank you very much. I also had an invigilator come and stand next to me for a while during a history GCSE. So as well as being stressed I'm also thought of as the ugly kid. A real confidence booster that exam.

It's  not nice.

As hard and tough as this is going to be for an awful lot of people, it's getting tougher.
"Hi real world" - hi job, hi wage packet, hi taxes, hi living back at home, hi stunted social life, hi bloody hi to you.
Eurgh. But first everyone does have the glorious safety of getting themselves a summer job which I think looks slightly less daunting (let's say 'hi' again, I think that worked). Hi summer job, hi flirting with colleagues you won't see again come September, hi easy hours, hi cheap uniform, hi hungover shifts, hi potential cash pay. Looks a lot nicer put like that. By getting a summer job it stops people nagging at you that you're a bum, you aren't so down that you left uni and your independence behind because you'll be busy and you can then blow it all on new clothes for a festival. Bang. It's the baby step in growing up that a lot of people need. And why not, summer jobs equal fun. They also equal a job you probably won't care about and a lot of gritted teeth. But fun, think of the fun.

Classic summer job. 

This works too. Less respectable but less hours you'd imagine. 

YAY for summer jobs then.

Also, I went for dinner with a dear, dear friend a couple of days ago and she however, is well on track. Bitch. In fact I had trouble eating my hawaiian pizza (best flavor, pepperoni is for freaks) she's so on track. She has a job, a car, a charming relationship and a glorious looking future whilst browsing for bits and bobs for a house in the future. WOW.

So there is hope for us, but first there is summer jobs.
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